A few months ago, a fellow photographer and friend ask me if I wanted to help her with an exhibit that San Benito County wanted to put on for all the local photographers in Hollister, so of course I agreed with excitement. We squared away details and my first thoughts were, “What am I going to show”? I figured I could show a few projects I shot, but that work wasn’t recent and as I pondered on the idea even more, I started to get discouraged. As an artist my mind thinks big and I was running to many ideas. I had 2 weeks to shoot my idea, edit it and send it out to print.
The one person I would run to for advice wasn’t here and then it came to me, why don’t I do a piece on my mom......
Of course, I shut it down because that meant I would have to relive everything all over again. I wanted to quit, back out and let them know I wasn’t going to do it, but after a few days of crying it out I knew I needed to do this for myself, I was scared and nervous of what everyone would think. Somehow, I found the courage and my mind was clear, I knew what I needed to do.
I asked a friend to be my model because she had experienced loss herself. I told her this was not going to be a cute photo shoot and she really needed to dig deep down and feel everything that happen to her loved one. We both shared stories and cried, she knew my mom so I knew she would be perfect for this. The idea was to split the shoot up in two days, so I would have enough time to be creative, but unfortunately it didn’t end up that way. We ended up shooting everything in one day and it was a long day emotionally and physically.
I knew this was going to be hard and I did my best to get through it, but shooting certain scenarios brought me back to a place I didn’t want to be, and I just broke down. I pushed myself to continue, because I knew it was part of my healing process. As the day ended, I was excited to see what I had came up with. The arts council had a few restrictions, so I had to tame it down a bit, and if you have seen my art you know I like things loud!
I had 3 days to edit everything and send it for print so I would get it back in time to frame. I told my story in 10 images and a lot didn’t make the cut due to the time crunch. Friday afternoon I received everything back from the lab, and every time I see my work in print it’s just an amazing feeling. Of course, I started criticizing my work and wishing I had done a few things differently but all in all I am pretty happy with it. I accomplished something I was afraid of and I’m glad I did it, because it really has helped me with my journey.
Thank you to everyone who has been here to support me and push me everyday to keep moving. My story isn't over, its just different and I finally found the courage to share it with all of you.
I'd also like to give a special thank you to Tori Rowe and Hayley Coulter for there efforts and involvement in this project!
If you would like to see my work here is the information:
FRAMING A STORY a fine art photography exhibition that will be displayed at the Annex in downtown Hollister, 240 5th St. from June 24th-August 4th, 2019.
Reception is July 12th from 7-9pm there will be food, drinks and music.